Tuesday, April 29, 2008

When Your Couple Lied

Whoever not like to be told lies. Not me, you or your couple. Nevertheless, anyone had definitely told lies, whether that big or small. Lie for goodness or to cover the mistake. However, in living together a trivial lie could destroy your relations. If you could tell lies, even so your couple.


Why did the person tell lies?

Many that said to maintain relations was to always communicate. Definitely an honest communication. But why people frighten of saying the truth?

"A person told lies because they felt not comfortable if saying the truth", Dr. Jackie Black said, the expert in relations and also a writer of the Meeting Your Match : Cracking The Code to Successful Relationship book from United States. Not because of fear from rude behavior but when you establish a relations and you were frighten that your couple didn't agree on something what are you going to do, then was more easy to cover it up. Even so that was your couple felt to.

Your couple know it or not if you told lies, let become his or her affair. But if he or she told lies, you must be able to at least recognize it. No need for polygraph machine like in the "Meet The Parents" movie to detect lie! There were signs that could be known by you if your couple lied. "A man if telling lies he will become not as firm as usually. Moreover if facing a direct question, they will be evasive or answer 'I don't know'", said Dr. Jackie. Force them to honest was totally useless, because they could close a discussions and went.


Analyze the gesture

In many lie situations, often the mouth not compromise with other body member. The words that went out can be heard so convincing, but other body member sent the different signal. Along six indications the body gesture that most often was seen when someone told lies.
  • Cover the mouth when speaking. This gesture was seen as though they want to minimally the people who heard their lie. Close the mouth here really close the mouth with one hand or even only one finger.
  • Scratch or touch the nose. A research said lying cause the nose area cell system to grow, so as to be felt itchy. Or in other words, a small touch or scratch on the nose could be signs that someone told lies.
  • Scratch the eyes. When someone told lies, he or she would look away. However, because this attitude really state the lie, many people who chose to scratch the eyes.
  • Scratch behind ears or the earlobe. Equally like scratch the eyes or the nose. You would see someone felt not comfortable because they just told lies.
  • Felt the neck. A research said told lies could cause amuse feeling on the neck skin so someone pull the collar or fixing their collar (although there isn't something wrong with their collar). This behavior indicated that the speaker felt uncomfortable with what their explaine.
  • Shook the head but the mouth agree to. If your couple said, "Yes, I came home late because of so many task in the office," when nodding his head, then he was quite overtime. However, was the reverse, if he said the same thing but he shook or avoid you, hmm... try to ask further to him.

Stop the lying habit

So to stay harmonious and stop the lying habit, Dr. Jackie Black said had 3 pillars that were need.
  1. The honor attitude and good will.
  2. Appreciate your couple as you appreciate yourself.
  3. Create a comfortable atmosphere with no negative thoughts.

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